It's almost time to say goodbye to Virginia

It's the last hour in my world. My world will change as soon as I get to the airport. I can't believe the day is here. It's wired since this has been my home for the past two years almost three. I can't believe that next Friday will be my 28th birthday. I have dreamed of leaving Virginia for so long and now it's here. I can't believe it. I'm so blessed to have this amazing opportunity. It's almost two am and in a couple of hours I need to be packed up and heading towards the airport. In an couple of hours I need to go to the dollar store for the last and final walk to the store. Soon I'll be in an strange land without knowing anyone really. I'll start a new life in an new world full of hope and promise. I'm blessed to the fullest. So goodbye Virginia and Hello to Spain. I can't wait to see you and to see what you have in store for me. I love you Va but I want something more. Loving the lessons that I have learned. I'm thankful for the heartbreak and pain. I'm thankful for having hope for the future. I'm thankful for it all. Goodbye Virginia Love...Goodbye. Love NY Girl :)

Is this the end for us?

Well, my room is almost empty as if I just moved in. hahaha. All I have to do is now wash these clothes and clean the room. Thank goodness for an dance party that started at 7:00 am. Hey, I have to get work done some how. Music is my go getter thing for me. Sometimes music even makes me cry but I have to let it speak to me in order to do that. Anyway, I'm excited about getting my hair done. I have not had braids in my hair in years. I'm going to get mini braids...I think. All I know is that I won't have to do my hair for three months. Yay me. It will take a while but it will be worth it. I'm also going to wash my clothes at the laundry mat since I have too many clothes and so little time. I will just get a ride down there. Hopefully HRT can help me with that one. I don't want my landlord to be up all night because of me having to do things at the last min. I have to visit my friends Malissa and Krystal. I have Krystal for dinner. I also have to have a Wednesday to remember. I plan on Wednesday getting my last paycheck, shopping, ice skating and skinny dip for desert before I say goodbye for good. I may stop by church a little early and just pay for dinner and pick it up. We shall see.

This may be my last post. I entered into this not knowing what I was getting into. I didn't even known what an Au pair was. You have seen the highs and lows into becoming an Au pair for me. As Americans we are so blessed and it will take us leaving the country to see how blessed we really are. I have learned about what I wanted for a change and more. I wanted something different for myself. Getting this job as an Au pair for me is really an blessing. I thought European families would be like American families as to what they want someone who has not only experience with children but have extreme high standards. I have met with many families who are sweet and just want what will be best for their children. I had this dream of just going to France and letting the other countries be my options but it worked out differently. I ended up going to Spain instead. What changed my mind? It was seeing how these families really were together. I have an feeling I'm going to love Spain. I just started on this journey of finding myself though family. Since I didn't grow up with the realities of what an family is I had to search for it though others when I already had that love and protection all along. I may continue this journey and let you witness it beyond it. We shall see.

"Your Journey are an extension of your dreams" Love the journey that you are in because it will lead you into greater wonders. Good Bless you guys. 

Love,
Anastasia aka NY Girl :)

I'm over cleaning and packing already! Oh boy!

"Just throw it the bag girl" listening to Fabolous's song "Throw it in the bag" at 5 in the morning. I'm up before the sun yet I'm over cleaning...is that bad? "Just throw it in the bag because you make me better". I can't believe I just made an sentence with song tittles. This is so fun I think I'll make another sentence or maybe not. I hope your day is going well. Mine day was finally started packing. Yay! Organizing everything has been tiring. In two going on three years you get a lot of things. I'm cleaning out my room. Trying to figure out what to do. I only have today to finish things since tonight I'm having to spend time with my friend Krystal and her dad. On Saturday I got to go to the goodwill to drop off the books and clothes to them. Whatever I have not done will get done on Saturday as well. Sunday I have church and I may rest or clean the house. Meanwhile I need to wash clothes and things. I also need to spend time with my nieces and newfew. I need to say goodbye to them. I also need to get my hair done so too much to do in so much little time. I also have to pick up my final paycheck and get last min things then say goodbye. I'm not ready but I feel like saying help!!!! Don't someone want to finish organizing my things for me. What to do with all the things that I do with art? What do I do with the important information?  Well, got to get back to You tube before the day begins. 5 more days

"Anastasia will always have a home here so I'm not getting an new roommate. I'm sorry about that one. She is my sister and I love her so no one will take her place" -My roommate when asked if she was getting a new roommate..awww. I love her.

I'm all over the place...Is that ok?

It's crazy when everyone is either so excited or sad that your leaving. I'm just wondering why I just feel like I'm on vacation. It has not affected me yet. As for me, leaving my job was an relief. I was tired, over-worked and becoming depressed. So leaving my job meant leaving my memories. I grew up in that place and learned so much at my job. I learned about children in an childcare environment. Now, I'm 27 about to be 28 and wondering about the good life. I wanted something more. I don't know what or where I'm going to end up. This is crazy. That is what I'm going to say...It's crazy.

It finally hit my roommate that I'm leaving. She tells me everyday that I'm going to miss you when you leave. I'm sitting here like "Wait! You still have a week with me. Don't let go of me yet!" "Hold my heart close to yours". Maybe she'll hold on to our memories while I'm gone. I'll will but I'll be overwhelm by love as well. I feel so lost. I felt so lost when I was crying every night when I was told I was never going anywhere during the last days of my previous job. Now, I'm going to Spain next Thursday and I'm silent. My heart is empty. My mind is confused and my soul is quiet. I'm all over the place and it's going to have to be ok.

I have been lazy since it hasn't hit me. It will hit me as the last moments began tomorrow starting with church. It will be my last Wednesday night service. It will be my last choir rehearsal. I'm an soprano/alto. I'm not ready to say goodbye to the family who had to help me put my heart back together. I'm blessed to say that I'm starting to understand what family and love really means. Hopefully it will force me to start packing and clean after all. I got to stop being lazy but I'm realizing I'm not ready for the reality that is here. So guess what I'm asking one more time...I'm all over the place and is that ok? Oh yes, girl...it's going to have to be ok because that's where you at with your emotions.

NY Girl

Preparing to go: Family and Friends Part Two

Why did I do an part two. Well, I wonder how people tell their family.."Yo! I'm leaving for a different country so forget you". No, that's not really my response but I'm trying to be funny on that one. As for my friends they know what's going on. They know I'm leaving for Spain but they don't know actually what I'll be doing. I am rather an secretive woman who don't tell too many details but only the basic's. Only certain people have that right to get the details of it all. A lot of people worry about my safety in a whole new country. They think I'll get kidnaped or worst. I can understand why they would worry with my major issues. I get lost really easily. I lose the things that belong to me anyway and host of other issues that comes with having two disabilities that affects your life. Thankfully, I have people who believes in my dream of going to Europe. I just can't believe I did it. I can't believe that I actually found an family to take me in and show me what life actually can be like. I'm glad I spend all that time with Krystal's family over this past year. So I kind of understand the basic's of an family. Well gotta peace out.

Preparing to go: Packing and Cleaning Part one

It's 7:10am this morning. I wake up listening to music and thinking about the changes ahead. I'm realizing I'm not ready for anything. I'm starting to realized how real this actually becoming. If moving day was today I wouldn't be ready to go because nothing is done. It would be funny if I did leave today with nothing done. I know with me...Yes, everything takes me a while to do but it will get done...that's a promise. I have so much to do and only a week and 3 days to do it all.
List:
* I have to clean out my room.
    I need to throw out all the trash and start separate everything. I need to get the clothes I don't wear anymore into good will.

* I need to also take the Christmas decorations away.
    I'm thing about keeping the table things out though. I'm not ready for it to end. I'm really proud of myself of doing the Christmas decorations.

* I also have to wash clothes somehow.
    Right now we don't have our washing machine so I may have to wash my clothes at my friends house. Oh well.

* Meanwhile the house needs to get cleaned like I normally do.
    I need to help out my roommate with the cleaning of the house. It's not right for her to only do it.

* Preparing to say goodbye to family/friends.
    My sister doesn't know I'm leaving so I need to get on that asap. My friends are having an hard time with me leaving. My best friend is worried as normal.

* Get last min. things like an suitcase, clothes, and girl stuff that I would normally need.

This time next week I'll only have 3 days before I leave. Wow time is moving so I need to get moving...asap. Like I said. I'm not ready but I need to enjoy each and every moment.

This is a dream out unto the unknown

I feel like a rocket. I feel like exploring the world beyond this 4 walls I call my own home. I love my home in my house. It had been my safe haven for almost 2 years. It was the transition home for me towards independence. It was the safe house I needed while being heartbroken. I discovered who I am in this place. I learn to be an homebody and an party girl at the same time. I'm full of extremes. I'm up one minuet and the next I'm down. I'm realizing that I'm a treasure. Thank you Tori Kelly for writing that beautiful song. I'm so full of emotions. On one hand I'm happy to be able to smile no matter what and on the other hand I'm so sad since I'm having to say goodbye to the kids and parents that I have met. I have been blessed beyond measure.

Now, I'm leaving a day after I planned on to but that's ok. Leaving on January 16th will be great since I am not running back and forth from one place to another. I'll be leaving around about 11:30am since my plane leaves at one. Since this is an international flight I have to be there two hours early which I think it's crazy but I can't play around with it. I'm going to ask because I might be able to get there by 12 and still be good. It's my first international trip so if you have any tips for me I would be greatly appreciate it. Yes, I do have an passport. I always knew I was going to go to Europe and almost an year later I'm going to Europe in 13 days. Let me go and try to learn some Spanish like the smart girl that I am. :) I'm finally living my dream. My own version of my American dream: Living in Europe.

Dreams do come true part two

Love,
NY GIRL

New Begainning's, Birthdays and hope: Happy New Year 2014!!!

It's here. January 2014! It's a month of new beginning's, hope, and happiness month. No, there are no major holidays in January now. It will be the season of birthday's in my family. My baby nieces is on the 4th of January, My sister is on the 18th of January, My birthday is on the 24th and my oldest niece is on the 30th of January. I also have extended families birthday in January as well. It's too many birthday's this month for me. However, I'm hopeful about the future now. I'm glad that 2013 is over. This means I get to now focus on me and my happiness. Don't get me wrong, I love helping people because I'm a giver by nature. I don't know anything else but to give of myself. I was raised that you give of yourself then you will be given back blessings that you will never understand why you got it. So I start this year smiling because there is no way but to go up this year.

Last night was fun. New Year's Eve was so much fun. We (me, my roommate and her sister) was supposed to go out to a club but that wasn't meant to be so we celebrated at IHOP!!!! I have been wanting IHOP so badly for a while and needed it to come true for me. I got to really enjoy spending time with my roommate and her sister because time is short now. I got to wear my short dress and black heels. I don't' get to dress up like that often but sometimes you need to get dressed up and go crazy. I hope you have an wonderful new year. I wish nothing but for the best for you. Happy New Year!

Oh Holy Night: The Holiday's Edition

I love the song "Oh Holy Night". Yes, I understand it is a Christmas song people. However, I love the x-mas flash mob version at the museum of fine arts in Boston, Massachusetts. It makes me cry every time I play it. I always get this feeling of peace and hope. Things I admire during Christmas time. I hope your Christmas was wonderful. I wonder would it be like to have Christmas in the summer like the people in Australia does? I need to experience that one year of my life. Anyway, My Christmas was a day of reflection, cleaning and prayer. I cleaned my house and re fixed the decorations since we had kids over a couple days before and since I was so exhausted from working like crazy and taking out braids. I was so tired that You Tube watched me fall asleep. It was the peaceful time I needed. I needed a day when someone didn't need my services every five min's. I felt good after a day of rest. My Christmas presents from my friends and boss didn't come until after Christmas. I didn't expect any presents since I knew I wasn't getting anything this year. I don't really care about presents but the fact that people think of me is an wonderful thing. What did I get... 4 new perfumes, 10 new lip glosses that came as an package, 2 new lotions (mini ones that comes with keys), 2 water bottles, and a flashlight. That came from my friend Krystal and her family. Now my boss gave me a shirt which was beautiful, Godiva chocolate, apples and oranges. I just found out that it's Belgium chocolate! What I love Belgium chocolate thanks to Elisabeth from college. Hopefully it will be wonderful. I will tell you if it's good or not. I have been given family and friends cards this year because I couldn't afford too much. I want to thank these people for thinking about me. I appreciate the love that you shown me. Peace and love!

Unfortunally, my host family have not seen their Christmas cards yet! It makes me sad. I was hoping that it would arrive early since it only takes four days to get to Europe! What's wrong with the postal service...you immigrants! I know I should not say that word in that way but please come on....you can't deliver a Christmas card on time? Really people? I hate slow services. I better learn to be patient...quick. hahahaha. I guess it's a little different in Spain then since there holidays don't end until January 6th. As for me getting on this flight that's something I will be working on tomorrow. I need to be able to tell my host mom something so they can figure this out. I have to talk to my landlord/lady tomorrow as well. Once I finish my last work day on Monday I'll celebrate then it will be countdown to 2014 and then 15 days to my first international flight ever!!! Got to go and figure out dinner. I'm hungry and knowing me I got to walk 20 mins for dinner. I better get used to walking everywhere. Peace and love everyone :)

My Hero: My Brother Eric

As the Christmas Holiday's come in and we celebrate our families being together. We also celebrate Jesus' Birthday. Some people don't celebrate his birthday but that's ok with me. As long as I celebrate his birthday in style I'm A-OK. That's why we are celebrating it on Christmas Eve with my church family.

For me, I get to celebrate his holiday alone due to my nieces and newfew's being away. All except one. Most of my family goes to see my brother in law's family. Since I have major issues with them I have learned to spend that time alone and drama free. I was supposed to spend this year with my friends family but couldn't do that sadly. I work the day after Christmas then I'm off again.

Also on this day I'll have to do the last ceremony of the year which is my brother's death anniversary. It's was actually around the 12th or during exam time but with my work schedule I couldn't so I'm doing on Christmas. I get to spend time with him and sing his favorite song which is Whitney Houston's "I'll always love you". He was the best brother I ever had. He loved me and was protective of me. I was his age when he died so it makes me sad. All I know is that he was sick and he just died. The only picture of him that I have is the one with me and him having fun. Who ever took that picture was crazy. So that's my weekend ahead. I'm so blessed and thankful for everything.
Happy Holiday's and Merry Christmas.

One Crazy Saturday: Let the holiday's begain...yay!!!

Hello World! I hope you guys are doing better today.At the moment I'm listening to "Better Today" by Neyo. I love Neyo's music so much. I first fell in love with his music as an 22 year old in college student and in love with one of my sweethearts. Wow I feel old. Today was crazy as I saw an early morning fight in all places McDonalds. It's too early to start an baby mama fight at 10:00am. Yo, I'm trying to eat my breakfast you stupid lady. I like to eat in peace not in war. I don't want to watch this go down either...thank you for waking me up though. I don't want spilled tea on my clothes. The bad part is that she spilled the tea on one of her daughters. Sadly, her three children watched this go down and got kicked out of their. Then she waited for her ex boyfriend to get out of McDonalds to start the fighting again. Lastly, called the police or popo (as they called it here) on her ex boyfriend. All of this hot mess just because you see your ex boyfriend with a new girl. This is too much for me. I got to talk to the new girlfriend on my way to work. She was so upset watching her boyfriend get rolled up on and being taken to jail right before Christmas. That's some ghetto mess that you only see on tv and brought into your front door on a Saturday morning. By the time I started to go to work and I only stayed for 30mins. Now you think I would be really upset by this. Really I'm not. I think that mistakes are made along the way. My phone is gone so I had no way of knowing that my boss was preventing me of coming so I took it as a lost but had an entertaining show this morning. Went to the mall, delivered some Christmas cards to my landlord and my family, I won't be home for most of the day on Christmas. I mostly spent Christmas' alone now. I will honor Jesus' birthday and deal with the final ceremony for the year...my brother's death anniversary.  Normally I do this before Christmas and I may do it on Monday to honor him. It's going to be too many children at my house and I'm tired of children and I'm ready for rest. I just didn't get a break at all this week so I'm so ready for a break and enjoy a little bit. I may or may not write anymore so Happy Holiday's to everybody and if you celebrate Christmas and I'll say Merry Christmas. Enjoy this time with your family and friends. Enjoy the life that you have. Be good and take care one another. Merry Christmas from NY Girl! :)

Celebrations, Rain and Youtube Night!!!

After two weeks of not really having food, sometimes not eating at all, crying my heart out and doubting my future I'm happy to say that this part of my hardship is over. Let's celebrate! "Can't hold us" by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis is starting my own club night, I'm not trying dressing in this rain...OH NO!!! Believe me, my celebration night will come because I'm willing to go crazy but I'll just do Club NYC. I can drink in my own house and pass out if I want without having to trying to get home...holla! I don't have to worry about drunk men but my crazy self will end up hurting myself anyway...lol. The joys of being me. Loving me is accepting me the way I am. As for the rain...I know we need you and all but can you please step to the left. I'm not down with you being here. However, I love the fact that you make the earth clean and beautiful so I need to not complain but enjoy the beauty of it. I need to learn how to just be in the moment in life. I hopefully will learn that in Spain. You Tube is my life outside of work now...lol. I'm done teaching art for the semester. I'm falling in love with You Tube. Since I don't have a boyfriend these days I have to fall in love with You tube. You tube is like the movies, playlist, history class and more. Yes, I know that You tube can't make my dinner or give me a bubble bath but it has given me more entertainment than anything else. That is why you don't see me in my living room that much. I just go in the kitchen to get the food for my room. That's really sad I know but I don't do too much of anything else. Well I am going back to my club night in my bed...hahahaha...loving the rest night in my own club.

"Forever in a dreamland means you never have to grow up or do you? " -me talking about dreams

Christmas Holidays...Almost for me

Tonight as I type this down it's almost Thursday morning so I have one more day. I got two busy weekends ahead and then it will be the Christmas holidays for me...yay. I'm ready for the kids to leave on break now. I love the kids but I'm ready to leave now. Sadly, I have not been able to really enjoy the holidays because of the work hours, the bus system and being sick. Being around children do allow yourself to get really sick at times. This weekend I will surprise my roommate this weekend with her gift from me which will be to put the Christmas decorations together. I'm so excited because I have been so blessed with everything that I have this year and want to show how much I appreciate her helping me so much this year. Since I won't be able to afford her an actual gift this will have to do. I have not been able to pay my rent since I got paid but had my paycheck put on hold. So I'm hoping I get two paychecks...yay. Now I can afford food again on Friday. I am hoping to also enjoy the little things for the holidays ahead like to go ice skating, and seeing the lights on Friday night. I hope to enjoy the new year celebrations as well.

Meanwhile I leave my job on December 30th 2013. Since I will be leaving on January 15th 2014....I plan on leaving for Spain. It will be 9 days before my 28th birthday.  I will have to leave on January 15th since I have to get my final paycheck before I leave the country. So I have to start telling everyone finally what's been going on with me. I hate goodbyes but I have to do this. I want to leave to start over and have an amazing life ahead. Got to go. It's late and I have not been sleeping lately because of HRT. I'll tell you about that on Friday night. Peace out world. :)

I'm sick...in bed on my day off

It sucks being sick and watching YouTube videos all day on and off. I'm even typing with one hand. I hope to be able eat actual food soon. I have not eaten since yesterday. I have been sleeping as well. However I'm a little sad because I won't be able to give in the annual z104 stuff the bus tonight. It's one of my favorite things to do on the holiday. I wish I was going to feel better but I rather not put myself in any danger. I need strength for tomorrow. I have to open up for work. I'm listening to Glee's version of "Oh Holy Night". It's one of my favorite Christmas song's. I love Glee's music. It's a cute show. Even though I don't really watch the t.v shows. I don't watch t.v these days. My computer as t.v shows. I even watch episodes on them but you do need to life outside of the computer.

 I'm excited about tomorrow since I'm going to have fun. I hope to be able to go my friends Christmas party tomorrow. With me losing my phone I have no way to get on my Facebook. I believe it's this weekend. I hope to be let off early. I got to go. I hate being sick.

My life is changing

Well, My world is changing every second. I will not have a job anymore after the 30th of December. I am terrified about the future knowing now I'm told that I won't be able to get a job here in Virginia. Yes, I made mistakes to where now I won't be able to get a job or not but I want more. I am not my mistakes and I'm not a failure. Yes, I have a Au pair position now in Spain. I'll be leaving between January 12th -15th. I'm glad this chapter of my life is ending because it was too much stress on my body. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to be a teacher so right now I need to find myself. I need to find out what I am going to do with my future. I'm blessed to still be alive today. I'm blessed to know that I'll have another opportunity is to change and grow. It's time to see what adventures I can get into now.  Knowing that change is coming is difficult but now knowing that you are not wanted makes me realized that it is time to go.
Love, Miss NY Girl

The Countdown Begains...6 Weeks away...Spain 2014!

As I ponder about life I realized I only have 6 weeks before my first international flight. Which means I only have that time to decorate the house for Christmas, New Years, wash clothes and get the money. Finally say goodbye to my friends and family. Saying Goodbye to my best friend is going to be so hard because she have always been only a phone call away. I also have to say goodbye to my friends since high school and my church family. Can I really say goodbye to everybody who loves me so much. My family doesn't know yet and will not know until it's time to go. I don't want to give a false warning like I did last time. I normally go to service on Sunday's but I took a break to answer my Skype thing. I talked to my host mom today. I got to see my room today, my home and everything. I even got to talk to little E and his sister was sleeping. He is one of the children who I will be watching. I'll be watching a little boy and a little girl. I'll be living in a house where I will have my own room with a bathroom in it. I never had a room like that.  I'm living with a swimming pool outside and inside...wow! I'll have an beautiful little home. We live near the mountains where we will go skiing. I am ready for the new experience now. I'm ready for more changes. I hope I will taste my last McDonalds, Subway, I hop and more. I'm going to miss this all. I'm really leaving...am I? I feel freedom...a New York girl finally is going to live a piece of my dream.

Who are you today?

I know I don't normally post day to day like this but with all the emotions and feelings that I'm having I need to pour it out. I'm at peace now knowing that soon this semester is almost over. However, I'm having to make an decision to either leave my job now or at the end of December. I have spend this entire time trying to just make it until December. I have for a long time wanting to leave my job because I don't have the heart for this anymore. I was told that I will never be able to become an teacher which broke my heart. It tore it to pieces. I love teaching my kids. It's challenging because of the behaviors of the children but it's worth it in the end. I'm not loving my schedule right now. I hate working nights with so many children. I didn't mind it doing the day when I have some more energy but right now it's has run out by 7pm. By 9pm I run away from my job and walk the dangerous streets and underpasses to my bus now. My best friend worries as normal because of the idea of me getting hit by a car. It's higher for me because of me not being able to hear them coming. However, I still adore and love working with children. There are some children who run in and give me the biggest hugs ever. It's worth it when I can get a hug at the end of the day. Right now, I'm torn because the holidays are coming up and I want to say goodbye but I need to work a second job to afford the 2,000 flight from here to Spain. It will take three airplane flights and anywhere between 18 to 24 hours of travel. I'm nervous this whole idea of flying my first flight all by myself over the Atlantic Ocean towards my new home. I have to in order to get to Spain. If anybody have any tips for me please help! I'll be talking to my host family soon before they have an holiday outside of the country of Spain. Final thoughts: Take each day as if it is your last and never take anything for granted....period. Spain 2014!

Thanksgiving Weekend Part Two

For now, I'm just thankful for everything. I'm found my family but we are trying to see if we can find a way for me to stay for a year than three months in Spain. I have so many questions and so many hopeful answers. I know miss "J" is still trying to live her life over there. I'm hoping that she contacts me soon since I lost my phone like a smart girl always do. Lose her phone at a fun part of the holiday's. So a 30 dollar replacement...OH BOY!!! Somebody get me. I have to remember I lose everything from my keys to the kids' projects. I put things where they don't belong. I'm so upset about that one. I bet I'll find it as soon as I buy this new phone. My eyelash is coming off my eye...OH NO!!! I don't have the glue to put it back on. Thank Goodness for my roommate being here still hopefully I can get a hold of her before I leave. If not I'll have to take this off. I need to eat as well.

For the rest of this weekend I plan on doing the following, Have a meeting with my host family, shopping, go to work, Christmas shopping, love, and ice skating. Be proactive and pay my rent. Who hate paying rent...I do.  We are blessed for everything. Let's go!

Bye!!!!

Thanksgiving Weekend (Part One)

Hello World!!!
I'm sitting here listening to Ariana Grande's album "Yours Truly". My favorite songs from her is "Baby I" and "Almost Is Never Enough". I love her voice as well. I spend Thanksgiving Day alone and I'm ok with that. I wasn't feeling too great anyway. This afternoon I will go out and get some toilet paper and some Christmas things for Sunday. I will also go to the mall to get into the Christmas Sprit.  After church I'll be decorating the house for my roommate like I did last year as an surprise. It's not easy to deal with crazy me. I'm a loner by nature but I'm willing to do new things. I got my makeup done yesterday and I look like a doll. I have eye lashes on as well. I hope I can keep up with them. I plan on getting some make up for tomorrow so I can look so pretty. I need to feel a little better since I have been feeling crappy for the last few weeks. I'm not enjoying my job anymore. I love children but with my disabilities I'm afraid being an teacher may be out of my reach now. Sometime I have to remember how far have I come these past few years. I can have control over my class. It took time but I did it before. I just don't deal with busy kids very well. I understand that these kids are humans like us and have intense feelings but I work better with easy going kids I guess. I think I'm getting tired of being here as well. So as this semester ends I need to leave my job and go back to being an Nanny temporary. I need plans just in case this Spain thing doesn't work out. I became devastated when I couldn't go to France. I need to find a place where I can go without being judge or feeling afraid.

Things and people can change. I did. I did change into knowing myself a little more. I understand that I need to follow my heart. I tried to do that before but my fear always completely stop me. Better yet I allowed my heart to stop beating as myself. I'm listening to Tori Kelly's "Dear No One" again. I'm going to break You tube one day....hahahahah. I'm worth it today. I'm worth being happy. I don't service to anyone being exhausted or unhappy. My heart is not here. I can't pretend anymore. I can't just deal with it anymore. I did that before because I refused to listen to my heart. I'm not over the pain of losing my family due to the choices that I made of listening to fear instead of common sense. I made graved mistakes that cost me everything. I'm thankful for everything for what I do have which is my faith in God, my family (both first and second families), my job and the people who are in it, love, peace and understanding, lessons learned in the past and yet the present, church, and finally the future. Thank you for everything God! Giving thanks for everything should not be a one time thing but it's an everyday thing. I'm blessed period despite all of my mistakes. I do have some people who stood by my side when my world fell down so I'm thankful for them as well. Wish me well because I want the same for you. I want everybody to be happy and sound with their life and live your dreams. I'm trying to live in mine so live in yours! Part two coming :)

My Life Lesson's at 27

Good Morning World! I'm thinking about my future and how I want something more than trying to survive everyday boring life. Life has to be more about work, church and repeat. Lately, most of these blogs have been about my future but I don't really talk about my present. My present evolves mostly of my job with these crazy kids, my home life with my roommate and my crazy second family and my friends. Yes my life is dedicated to the kids. I'm always thinking about them like a mother thinks of the kids. According to some people I don't have a life. No, I don't have a "man" in my life. For now, I don't want a relationship. I just want to grow as person and have a little fun. I have learned many lessons about myself and life this year.

This blog came at the time of my life when I was seeking something different. I wanted a diary thing that is public yet private. It's private because you don't know my real name. All you know is that I was born in New York hence the name NY Girl. However, I do live in Norfolk, Virginia. I don't really talk about my family but I do have a sister and her family built by marriage. As for me, since I'm an orphan at this point I have been brought up by so many people who have touched my life. I'm still dealing with the reality of not having a mother and father on this earth. Other than that I'm having to learn to live this life alone with help of course. Life and people will let you down but you must be willing to stand up and keep going. Even if you need help doing it...just do it. Fight for yourself. Put yourself first then everyone else. Yes, I'm being selfish right now but I helped raised children at a young age. I sacrificed my dreams because it will all I knew. Now, I know that they need to see a family member succeeding. Loving my lessons on life. Bye World :)