No, it's not crazy but wanting to see myself as a little girl again. I have never really dream about that too much. I guess we forget what it is like to wonder, grow and take everything in. Even I forget to just let life come to you and enjoy every moment. We often must worry about surviving, having enough food on the table, having a good job and just being lucky to be apart of this earth. It doesn't matter where you live you are constantly dealing with the demands called life. As a child we are not supposed to worry about life but live and relive (by retelling the story over and over) but as an adult everything changes. I realized how I wasn't ready for it all. At my age you would think I would just shut it up and keep it moving and stop being a baby. Believe me I do it and put my life in constant danger because of it. Well, I'm not that simple, am I? I guess no one is anymore. There are so many new treats these days and low tolerance of everything from religion to education. It's sad. We can't allow kids to be kids anymore but mini adults who have a harder time deal with life later on because the tools we need to deal with life are not there. It's scary what grief and heartbreak would do to a beautiful little girl. It makes you closed in and not enjoy life. So what does all of this have to do with me...everything. I was that little girl who was swinging around playing but wanting something more than money couldn't buy me. I wanted a real childhood. I didn't get that between losing my family because of death and abuse I learn to be alone. I struggle with friendships, family, spelling, understanding things, being a child in a 27 year old body and most of all acceptance. We need to accept life and people at where they are in there life and not hurt them in any way form or fashion. We need to respect people. Most importantly respect life. In the end the little girl got to play with children. I'm blessed that I get to do that with the kids I teach everyday no matter how difficult my day gets. I get to do what I'm so good at now...smile.
That what was my look at your self moment but in Au Pair news I got to talk to a spanish family. So far the family is nice and sweet. I really do hope I get to talk to more soon. I hope I get the job. I do like this family and willing to learn spanish. I'm also talking to two french families. One an hour away from Paris and one in the city of Paris. These families seem really nice so far and I'm leaning towards france. However, until then I'm going to enjoy my last summer in Virginia. I'm also going to be working a second job so that I can afford things. I'm not playing anymore these are my dreams on the line and determination is key. I'm really lucky to have this opportunity to be able to even interview for these families. I hope I do get this experience. This has taught me so far that you can never stop having experiences or dreams. You can only stop them by not believing or giving up. Never give up on your dreams or yourself. It has taken me years to understand this and I'll never let this lesson go. It has taken seven years to understand the reality of fear and how powerful it can be on a person. Fear is the living reality of death. You are not living if you are in fear but dying in a walking state. I know that sounds scary but that is how I view fear now. I have lived in serious fear and I have overcome some fears and I know I need to overcome some more. This time around I'm willing to do this for me. It's for me to discover freedom. The freedom of being that little girl on the swing who just wanna have fun. :)
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