Who are you today?

I know I don't normally post day to day like this but with all the emotions and feelings that I'm having I need to pour it out. I'm at peace now knowing that soon this semester is almost over. However, I'm having to make an decision to either leave my job now or at the end of December. I have spend this entire time trying to just make it until December. I have for a long time wanting to leave my job because I don't have the heart for this anymore. I was told that I will never be able to become an teacher which broke my heart. It tore it to pieces. I love teaching my kids. It's challenging because of the behaviors of the children but it's worth it in the end. I'm not loving my schedule right now. I hate working nights with so many children. I didn't mind it doing the day when I have some more energy but right now it's has run out by 7pm. By 9pm I run away from my job and walk the dangerous streets and underpasses to my bus now. My best friend worries as normal because of the idea of me getting hit by a car. It's higher for me because of me not being able to hear them coming. However, I still adore and love working with children. There are some children who run in and give me the biggest hugs ever. It's worth it when I can get a hug at the end of the day. Right now, I'm torn because the holidays are coming up and I want to say goodbye but I need to work a second job to afford the 2,000 flight from here to Spain. It will take three airplane flights and anywhere between 18 to 24 hours of travel. I'm nervous this whole idea of flying my first flight all by myself over the Atlantic Ocean towards my new home. I have to in order to get to Spain. If anybody have any tips for me please help! I'll be talking to my host family soon before they have an holiday outside of the country of Spain. Final thoughts: Take each day as if it is your last and never take anything for granted....period. Spain 2014!

Thanksgiving Weekend Part Two

For now, I'm just thankful for everything. I'm found my family but we are trying to see if we can find a way for me to stay for a year than three months in Spain. I have so many questions and so many hopeful answers. I know miss "J" is still trying to live her life over there. I'm hoping that she contacts me soon since I lost my phone like a smart girl always do. Lose her phone at a fun part of the holiday's. So a 30 dollar replacement...OH BOY!!! Somebody get me. I have to remember I lose everything from my keys to the kids' projects. I put things where they don't belong. I'm so upset about that one. I bet I'll find it as soon as I buy this new phone. My eyelash is coming off my eye...OH NO!!! I don't have the glue to put it back on. Thank Goodness for my roommate being here still hopefully I can get a hold of her before I leave. If not I'll have to take this off. I need to eat as well.

For the rest of this weekend I plan on doing the following, Have a meeting with my host family, shopping, go to work, Christmas shopping, love, and ice skating. Be proactive and pay my rent. Who hate paying rent...I do.  We are blessed for everything. Let's go!

Bye!!!!

Thanksgiving Weekend (Part One)

Hello World!!!
I'm sitting here listening to Ariana Grande's album "Yours Truly". My favorite songs from her is "Baby I" and "Almost Is Never Enough". I love her voice as well. I spend Thanksgiving Day alone and I'm ok with that. I wasn't feeling too great anyway. This afternoon I will go out and get some toilet paper and some Christmas things for Sunday. I will also go to the mall to get into the Christmas Sprit.  After church I'll be decorating the house for my roommate like I did last year as an surprise. It's not easy to deal with crazy me. I'm a loner by nature but I'm willing to do new things. I got my makeup done yesterday and I look like a doll. I have eye lashes on as well. I hope I can keep up with them. I plan on getting some make up for tomorrow so I can look so pretty. I need to feel a little better since I have been feeling crappy for the last few weeks. I'm not enjoying my job anymore. I love children but with my disabilities I'm afraid being an teacher may be out of my reach now. Sometime I have to remember how far have I come these past few years. I can have control over my class. It took time but I did it before. I just don't deal with busy kids very well. I understand that these kids are humans like us and have intense feelings but I work better with easy going kids I guess. I think I'm getting tired of being here as well. So as this semester ends I need to leave my job and go back to being an Nanny temporary. I need plans just in case this Spain thing doesn't work out. I became devastated when I couldn't go to France. I need to find a place where I can go without being judge or feeling afraid.

Things and people can change. I did. I did change into knowing myself a little more. I understand that I need to follow my heart. I tried to do that before but my fear always completely stop me. Better yet I allowed my heart to stop beating as myself. I'm listening to Tori Kelly's "Dear No One" again. I'm going to break You tube one day....hahahahah. I'm worth it today. I'm worth being happy. I don't service to anyone being exhausted or unhappy. My heart is not here. I can't pretend anymore. I can't just deal with it anymore. I did that before because I refused to listen to my heart. I'm not over the pain of losing my family due to the choices that I made of listening to fear instead of common sense. I made graved mistakes that cost me everything. I'm thankful for everything for what I do have which is my faith in God, my family (both first and second families), my job and the people who are in it, love, peace and understanding, lessons learned in the past and yet the present, church, and finally the future. Thank you for everything God! Giving thanks for everything should not be a one time thing but it's an everyday thing. I'm blessed period despite all of my mistakes. I do have some people who stood by my side when my world fell down so I'm thankful for them as well. Wish me well because I want the same for you. I want everybody to be happy and sound with their life and live your dreams. I'm trying to live in mine so live in yours! Part two coming :)

My Life Lesson's at 27

Good Morning World! I'm thinking about my future and how I want something more than trying to survive everyday boring life. Life has to be more about work, church and repeat. Lately, most of these blogs have been about my future but I don't really talk about my present. My present evolves mostly of my job with these crazy kids, my home life with my roommate and my crazy second family and my friends. Yes my life is dedicated to the kids. I'm always thinking about them like a mother thinks of the kids. According to some people I don't have a life. No, I don't have a "man" in my life. For now, I don't want a relationship. I just want to grow as person and have a little fun. I have learned many lessons about myself and life this year.

This blog came at the time of my life when I was seeking something different. I wanted a diary thing that is public yet private. It's private because you don't know my real name. All you know is that I was born in New York hence the name NY Girl. However, I do live in Norfolk, Virginia. I don't really talk about my family but I do have a sister and her family built by marriage. As for me, since I'm an orphan at this point I have been brought up by so many people who have touched my life. I'm still dealing with the reality of not having a mother and father on this earth. Other than that I'm having to learn to live this life alone with help of course. Life and people will let you down but you must be willing to stand up and keep going. Even if you need help doing it...just do it. Fight for yourself. Put yourself first then everyone else. Yes, I'm being selfish right now but I helped raised children at a young age. I sacrificed my dreams because it will all I knew. Now, I know that they need to see a family member succeeding. Loving my lessons on life. Bye World :)

Live your dreams: I'm going to spain edition

Good Afternoon World! I'm sitting here on my bed on an Friday afternoon doing fine. This is my only day off so I'm trying my hardest trying to get my life and dreams in order. I should give you an update on the Au pair life. I been talking to a lot of families and I finally got an family. I will call the family "E". This family lives in Spain and they are an Spanish family of course. I got to talk to the au pair that they have now and I'll call her "J'. "J" she is an American citizen who loved her Spanish life. Poor baby, I feel bad replacing her. I even got to talk to some of her friends. They live in Haro, La Rioja, Spain. I goggled earth it. It looks like an beautiful place where I get to learn and grow. I'll be taking care of two kids. One boy and one girl. I also have to speak English to them and I get to learn Spanish. I'll have it easier since I already learned Italian at an earlier age. French was going to be harder for me especially with me having an learning disability and an hearing impairment. I will be living there for three months. I'm thinking about trying to see if I can get into a school so I can stay there a year. The family adores me and willing to help me to get into a school so that I can stay there longer. So yes, I'm excited but worried about it all. I'm not sure if this going to really happen or not. I don't want this to turn into what France did to me the first time. I was really disappointed. So sometime soon you will get more details of me leaving and things.

Meanwhile it's the holiday season starting next week or in Norfolk, Virginia it will be this weekend. I'm soposed to help in the parade. Hopefully I get out of work earlier enough not to be late. I hate to be late for anything but I can't help it if I am being forced to work for two weekends strait....my bad people. I would think it would be after the thanksgiving season. I love the holidays with the winter carnival. This year I'm thinking about taking my oldest niece so I can spend some time with her. She would love that. If anybody have an idea for an fun activity for a two year old. I can't believe my youngest niece is almost three years old. Wow! I love when she see's me that she wants to spend time with her aunt. I guess that's what happens when kids are around me. I'm thinking about going to the million blub walk as well. I need a boyfriend for things like that. I'll see if my sister will take me so all I have to do is pay for myself :). That's so wrong...isn't it? Well. between all this fun I got to do this borning thing called my calendar, rest, clean the house and wash clothes. Oh boy! Got to go! Live out your dreams. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do anything. I'm trying to live my dreams :)

Counting my blessings

I sit here on a sunny day thinking about the blessings that I have been granted. I'm sitting here thinking about all those people who walked me along this journey becoming a better person. It's has been a long year of disappointments into something greater...discoving myself. Listening music so early in the morning is a blessing. The fact that I can hear out of my only ear is a great thing. No, I function as an child myself but I am stronger than ever. Yes, I made a mistake of allowing people to hurt me and I lost my family as an result. I still need to heal but I'm worth it in the end. I want to travel the world, discover the world outside of the United States. Keep on swimming to lean towards your dreams and world that you seek to find. I'm blessed in so many ways that I'm going to enjoy it.
Love Miss New York Girl

Friday: Payday madness

Lately, I have been too tired to deal with people. Is that really bad? My friend will call K is getting on my nerves. People don't understand that I work five days a week and Friday's are my only day off. Why don't people get it. Leave me the hell alone on Friday's. Sometimes I have to work six days a week. I can't help that I work at nights. I can't help that I'm on this get out of Virginia kick now. I'm tired of having to babysit grown people. I take care of 10-15 kids on a daily basics. So on Friday's do I feel like hanging out with you and having to deal with your mess...let's make that a big NO!!! Sorry people I do get frustrated when I got to get things done before I can "have my fun". I don't know about you but I'm not sitting here having a great time. I'm sitting here answering parent's emails. It will almost be a year of this looking for a family in March. Thank you for letting me let out my anger.

Yes I The song I'm in love with at the moment is "Dear No One" by Tori Kelly. This song has capture my heart. I can't help it. When the world is quiet is when I'm at my most peaceful listening to this song. I'm inspired to keep going no matter what. Other than music, we have our stove and our heat!!! Yay! You don't know what is like to have an beautiful apartment without heat. As for families, I'm starting over again. My family found someone else. I'm really sad but hopefully. Well, I got to go. I still have errands to run but next time more on the life of Miss NY Girl before the journey :)