Thinking about you France: The Preparation

Waking up on an beautiful summer day, thinking about the future and listening to Tori Kelly on You tube. That Tori is super talented to the fullest. My favorite so far is Thinking about you cover with Angie Girl. I'm also going to find an art activity for the kids today. I'm thinking about making a sun for the little kids that they can paint but for the older ones who are in actual school I'll have to think a little harder. That's what the internet for. I don't normally teach the older ones but I love challenges and I'm a challenge anyway. I'm so tired but I'm going to keep it going anyway. I got three more days until I rest. I work a part-time job so it takes a lot of my time preparing for the kids.

As for preparing for France has started to become real. I leave in two months. I'll be on an airplane on October 1sr 2013. I'll end up in France on October 2nd. I can't believe I have this amazing opportunity to learn so much about not only France but what I can do as well. I better represent New York, Italy and my families to the fullest. I'm having so much that needs to get done like finally tell my boss the actual date I'm leaving, tell my family, my landlord, my church since I sing in a choir, getting the all important visa, packing, shopping for a new suitcase, and figure out if I can fly to see my best friend before hand. I'm determined to enjoy the rest of my summer and enjoy my life as it is at the moment. Well, I got to get ready for work. Love, NY Girl :) 

The Inspiration of an New Yorker to find French Dreams

When I was growing up I watched Disney movies like Cinderella, Snow White, and The Lion King. Every one of those movies have like this happy ending sort of thing. For me, they had messages like if you can believe than it can happen or dreams do come true. What I have learned in reality that you must fight for your dreams and be inspired by people who believe in your dreams. Yes, life has it's ups and downs but it's worth it in the end. It worked out. She is allowing me to come a month later after all. There will be more sacrifices on my end but I'm finally doing something that I want to do for myself. For now I'm having to give up so much but it's worth it because on Tuesday, October 1st I'm leaving for Marseilles, France. I had to move the date to accommodate my job's needs. It's alright because it gives me two months to do everything I must do and gives my friends time to say goodbye. I'm also going to surprise my best friend and fly out of Chi-town international airport for France! She doesn't know anything yet so I'm surprising her. She is having a baby so this will be the first time I'll have seen her since I left college 6 years ago. This is my inspiration from an New Yorker to an French girl who says Disney was right because dreams do come true

My Disappointments and reflections

I do not understand. I do not understand what just happened. Please hear me out because I may cry this evening. I wish to have a hug because I am really, really, really sad. One moment I'm fantasizing and reading blogs about France and the next min. I'm sitting here on my bed in tears knowing I may not be able to go at all. Tomorrow or sometime next week I will talk to my host mom about me coming. You see my job has asked me to stay here to work an extra month because of the new semester starting and I need to give my job time to search for an new teacher to replace me before I can leave. I wish I knew they would need two months then I would have told her before everything. If she does find a new person for a month then I will still have to wait. This sucks to the fullest. No I know I don't need to complain since I'm only an American girl with French dreams. I just hope and pray that someone could just watch them for a month until I can make it. I hope what ever happens it will be the best for all of us. I just know if I'm willing to start over to find another family. It took from March until July to find a family. I feel like I'm in future break up with a family. This is not helping that I listening to Drake's song "Marvin's Room". This is so disappointing for me

Some happier news...One of my friends from high school had her baby shower today. It's so different to have so many of my high school friends to have babies and getting married. I'm one of the few girls left who are still single and not having babies. I'm too scared to be having a kid. I am willing to see the world and enjoy my single life as much as possible. I already experienced the life of being an secondary mother. I loved being an secondary mother even though I had to give up my life for someone eles' life but to see a child sleeping on a bed at the end of the day is golden. I love it when a child shows me what they did today at school. I love those bounding moments. For now, I just want the best for me and my second and first families. I just need some motivation to figure my life and reflections out. One day I will tell you my real name. .

Your moment has arrived part two

I'm spending this beautiful morning in my bed. It has been a crazy week with my new schedule. My summer schedule rocks! I have not had the time to send out my contract back to France yet. I need to send it back...asap (as soon as possible). I'm going to be playing catch up today by cleaning my house, signing my contract, getting my Au-pair book together and trying to rest. We have a kiddo in our house for the moment but that's OK. I have been upset with people lately because some people don't believe that I can do this. I believe I can do anything but finding someone who believes in my dreams has been hard. Yes, being on my own has it's ups and downs but I'm loving my Independent nature. My roommate has said I'm too Independent. Searching through my feelings has it's place in this blog because this journey is not all just exciting moments but having those moments of giving up. Making this decision to actually do this has been quite puzzling. Reading blogs of kids from Europe coming here to America is inspiring. I admire these girls to the fullest. There are some american Au pairs coming to Europe to discover life. I'm scared to the fullest. I just hope I'm going to be OK. I'm doing this! Sorry if this is all-over the place since it's one of my thinking moments. I'm going to miss my baby...J! (she is my sisters 3rd child) She is leaving for Texas today. I love my baby girl! Enjoy the rest of your summer love! I will love and miss you. However, telling you I'm leaving for France will the hardest moment of my life. I love you so much J!

Your moment has arrived...the contract

Hello! I hope you enjoy your day so far. Well the contract has come safely to my house from France to the United States. I'm not opening it until I finish my room. I have cleaned up my house but not my room. Why? I'm too tired that's why. I have an extremely short attention span. I can deal with kids because we are constantly changing activities. While it takes me three hours to clean my house. It wears me out to the fullest. Too much details, too long, and concentration for me...lol. I don't know how I deal with kids all day like I do.

Anyway, the letter is on my dresser away from me. I am here to deal with my thoughts before opening it. I'm realizing it is becoming reality that this is real and not a dream in my head. I feel like I'm staring at myself in a mirror hoping this is a dream but it's not. I feel calm. I feel hopeful. I do know that some of the people in my life will not be happy for me but we are just going to say...NEXT!!! I'm about me now. No, I'm not an selfish person but I know what happens if I don't do this. I will end up saying "What if". "What if I left for Marseille, France"? I just don't want to know "What If" anymore. I rather know what would life be in Marseille. I know I will be working but I also know it's worth it. I can do this...right? Well, I'll tell you more when I get the contract opened and I figured everything out. I will leave you with this..."Everything is possible to those who will just simply believe"

I have learned about an serious heartbreaking lesson...Fear

Are you really fearless or you are afraid?

I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not afraid of anything. That is far from the actual truth. I'm afraid of a lot of things like bugs aka spiders, roaches and anything that crawls that I don't know about that is considered a bug. Yuck! You see I grew up with fear as like a best friend who is always at your side saying this isn't right you can't do this at all. It's like a infection. Fear grows inside of you more and more until a monster is born. It doesn't go away with you saying shoo fly don't bother me. Instead it just stays. Fear allows you to neglect your life as a result of living with fear. I have paid a serious price for living in fear. I have given up my dreams because of my fears. It's not a way to live and now with this beautiful possibility it may force me to give it up as well.

 It has made me realize that changes in my life are being made and I am blessed about the opportunity given to me but it makes me want to RUN! There are women who does this every year from 18 to 30. They either leave their country for another one in the EU, Canada, China or even the U.S.A. I give it up to the women who actually leave their country for America. I can understand why they would want to come here and learn about our culture. We live in a beautiful country that I have not seen completely. I have never been to the heartland or the western states. We are very lucky to have the opportunities here in America that other's around the world do not have at all.

I wanted to write this to make other's understand that you should not have to give up something because you are scared. Yes what we are doing might be crazy to some people but this is our way not only to see the world but other's cultures and language as well. This is our educational moment. Like someone said to me last year...you may not have been able to finish college yet but you will under your own time. You are just waiting for your moment. So go out and be fearless and overcome every obstacle that is standing in your way. This is my time and moment and it just happens to be right now.

Everything is about to change...

I'm sitting here on my purple and grey bed set, listening to piano music and drinking water. It is 12:17 at night but it is already sunday morning. It's my ex's birthday. Happy Birthday love. I wonder about the future and realizing that this is it. I have found my French family. Yes, it will not be in the heart of Paris or Lyon but I am ok with that. However, it will be in Marseille, France. I'm going to Marseille, France everybody! I will be living for 11 months in the south of france. My host family and I are in the process of getting the contract in order and I will be starting the long process of getting my visa. Anyone want to do the visa for me? I'm a little concerned about it all because this will be my first time being an au pair and worry about the simple things that I have taken for granted like being able to read in English. When I get to France everything will be spoken or written in French. I am having a freak out moment...ahhhhh!!!

 I just want to sit in the park and just meditate. Maybe I should do that during the day when people are around. What I miss the most is my mother. I wish she was here in person to enjoy my success in all of this. I wish she would be sitting here on my bed telling me that I can do anything. I thought by now I would get over losing a mom but I'm realizing you may never get over it. Knowing tonight when I need something the most my mom comes through my dreams and talks to her youngest daughter. She encourages me and gives me the love. That is the best thing about having my mom being an angel over me. She understands my heart from above. In all of that I end up finding something that I need...peace. I may not know how everything will go or how I am going to get through it all but I do know this...Everything is about to change.