Broken stove and heat+ messed up computer+ an painful ear = A long week

It has been a long week for me. I'm exhausted to the fullest. However, washing clothes and cleaning my house later on this evening will be perfect for me. That's how I spend my Sunday people by working. It's been crazy with my stove was really old so the circuit breaker went out on us. I mean really stove you brought out four fire trucks to our house...hahaha. Then the heat said peace out! Really, My heat but it's all cool. Things really do work out in the end...we will get both done by next week. I'm happy about that. As all of these things my computer has broken as well. The switch that tells you that the internet is working is gone. So I have two choices I can either get a new one or get a new computer. It's crazy how this going but I need to figure this out. Other than that...my work is killing me mostly. I'm over this week but next week I get to be peanut m&m's so it's all good

As for my Au pair World, I got a family who said that I would be an good candidate. I hope it really happens. I'm ready to jump into an airplane and move on with my life. The family lives in Spain. They live in Western Spain so I'm ok with that. They have two kids. They have one boy and one girl. The girl is so sweet. I didn't get to meet the boy but I think he might be a sweet boy. I will spend a year with them hopefully. That has always been my goal to spend a lovely year. I have also been talking to other families until I get something official.  I just hope I can deliver what I have been given as a new challenge for me. I hope I can be an wonderful au pair. I can only find that same hope that everyone has that hope for me to figure out my own life and live my dreams without people stopping me.

I can't believe I will be 28 in three months. This has been a really hard year for me. I don't know where this journey will lead to. Yes, I'm stubborn. I can't help where my heart will lead me. I guess for now I plan to leave my current job in January and hopefully I can start a new one in the city I live in now. All I know is I'm ready for a new world.

"Nothing will ever be the same once you take that first step into your dreams"

Your fight with your heart and mind.

Thinking about you by Frank Ocean, Cover(s) by Tori Kelly and Fifth Harmony are my favorites in the series of this song. You are soposed to think about the future and to know what that is for you. As for being an au pair it's not. I had two interviews today. I'm thinking about going to Spain these days. I don't think France is not possible for me anymore. I don't even think about going to Italy. I'm not giving up people. I'm thinking that I need to lower my realities a little bit. I have not had good luck with French families. It's sad but true. No, I'm never going to give up on my French dreams, are you crazy, that's like giving up on my love of Paris, Versailles, and Marie Antoinette. I'm at a breaking point where my heart needs to be followed. My heart is saying leave and go. My mind is saying stay you need to survive. This sucks because I want to do more than chill and daydream. I need the inspiration to keep going no matter what. We all need that no matter what. Yes, this post is all over the place but that's how I feel now and day's all over the place. Every blog I read about people leaving the U.S.A and see the world the way it was meant to be seen. It was meant to be experienced and not just looked at. It's not an museum. We found things to be a hot mess and we turn around to either make it worst or make it a masterpiece. I guess that's what we get for playing with our heart and mind together.

I still don't have an family as of yet but I'm hoping it comes soon. I still want to stay longer than a few months. I wish at this point I was an European like my newfew. He is the luckiest boy in the world. He is not only an american citizen but an European citizen as well. I wish I was lucky. I hate and love that at the same time. Oh well. Dear Europe, you are my love song. I love you and want to see you in person soon, love NY GIRL! Don't we all have dreams. The only thing is mine is an international dream.

Almost at the Dream

Hello! One day more until friday! You have no idea how excited I am to have a weekend again. I don't mind having a weekend. You know that. Anyway, I hope you guys are doing well. I have been busy with my work as normal. Why is my computer being sooo slow this morning? I don't know but I am going to have my music computer...you hear me! My bad. The computer was being stupid on me again but my music is back. I need my music like I need my brownies baby...hahahaha.

As for the news of being an Au pair has changed again. I got some really good prospects and decsions that I have to make now. I will talk about the families who want me to come to there country. As of now I would need to leave in January or December because of the semester ending right when Christmas is coming. I would like to stay in the countries for at least 3 to 12 months. I hope to watch at least 1 to 4 kids at the most. I can handle this better. I want to learn the languaage as well. I want it to be an family enviroment. I can party like a rock star after I come from Europe. Those are my ideas of what I want my life to be like as an Au pair. Let's hope I can stick to it. The first country I will start will be Spain. I have two familes from Spain and a possible third one. The first family I will call "S" has two wonderful girls who I met on Skype. I would be coming to them in January and leave in July. That would be six months and I will speak mostly in English. The second family I will call "B" have three children 2 girls and one boy. I have the interiew with them this weekend. I will get to live with both of the families. The Third one I need to answer there email which I have not looked at as of yet. I will soon after I finish this post. So far the spainish families are wonderful and great. the "S" family has had an Aupair before. The next country is Italy. I was intoduced to Nutella here so my love for Italy is going to be great. I need to have the interview with them this Sunday as well.The family "Y" has three kids as welll and I will be living with the family. All these families so far wants me to come either the end of December or January and would like to stay a year. minus the "S" family. The final two families are from France. The "J" family wants me to come in December and I will live with the single mom. She is willing to teach me French as well. I will deal with one kid. I have an interview saturday so on Friday I will be busy taking care of my house things...go me. I will live in southern france but that's cool. The second family which I will call "L" actually lives in Paris and have two boys. Right now I don't have an interview yet but we will see. I have families to decide on don't I? I'm blessed to have an second opportunity. 

In the end of this, I am going to have to make an decision on the following things...my health, where I want to go, time, the kids, and the parents and my personaity. I won't be going no where unless things are right about it. I need to understand what is good or not. Blessings come to thoses who are willing to bless others each and every day. Well I got to finish what I started. Sorry this was so long but it's worth it. 

Au Pair Round Two

So, I hope you are having an good day. Today is my only off so I will be cleaning, running around and doing all the things I love doing on an Friday...NOT! My week has been bananas. I'm glad I have one more day of this mess than Sunday fun day as most people call it. For me I call it yay! A day for washing clothes...hahaha.

I'm so glad that I have been working so hard to get some of these things together for these kids. I have been getting the changes finally in my head. Sometimes I wish I didn't have my learning disability and hearing impairments but it's my life so I deal with it with a smile and an dance. Now, I need to get to the topic of this post. I have been talking to parents again. One Spanish family almost worked out but picked someone else in the end. One French family decided that I need to wait to get another letter. So I'm waiting on that one and mostly I have been contacted by Spanish families. There are not a lot of French families lately even though that is where I want to go for now. I have also contacted Italian families since I grew up on the island of Sicily, Italy as an child so going back to Italy would be wonderful for me as well. I hope this time that everything work out for me. I don't have an deadline but if I don't go to Europe before my 28th birthday in January then I'll just go there for my birthday week.

Lastly, I'm hoping the government get their acts together so that everyone can live an normal life again. Come on people get your acts together! Step your issues to the left and just do what you have to do already. You are pushing the American people off the American property because you stop doing your job. This is so wrong. I love history but how long is this going to last...47 days. I hope not. Well, I got to go and eat so that I can start my friday on style in the rains that we are getting here. I'm out! Miss NY GIRL

Finding yourself and realizations

I have been on a roll lately with all these heart felt moments of heartbreak, change and realizations lately. As a lot of you may not know...I have been known to give up on somethings. I have giving up on college, life, love, and happiness. I have been thinking that you are soposed to survive each and every moment. However, life is not soposed to be like this. You are soposed to enjoy every min of life either good or bad moments. We can clearly see on T.V. reality shows how other's live. Sadly, they get judged by those simple choices that they made by not only the people around them but all over the world. For example, if someone make one wrong move career wise or personal, they will have to carry that with them for the rest of their life. As for me, my major mistakes only carries with me and my family. I'm thankful that I can be forgiving from the major mistakes that I have made. Yes, I'm realizing that I'm too nice. I allow people to hurt me on purpose just by allowing someone to walk over me. I do it to try to allow people to like and love me. However, being generous and loving is how I am. I'm realizing I need to guard myself a little more. I also need to understand the relationships that I am surrounded by. I have people in my life that just take something away and not give back. In a relationship of any kind needs to have an give and receive method. I'm learning that I only give and not receive anything on the other side. I need to understand that not everyone has my best interest at heart. Yes, people don't care about me but only to use me to get what they need. I see what these people do and just do what I see going on around me without really looking at what I'm doing.

I have an smart mouth to either protect myself or just to be smart in general. The bad part is that I don't really catch it in time. Especially when I am frustrated or upset. I have not been happy lately because I know in my heart that I don't belong here and I want more out of life. I do get so excited for other people but I'm wanting an turn to be happy myself. It's not fun not being happy. I spend my life taking care of others but not really putting that same energy on myself. A lot of that comes from the childhood that I had. I basically had to raise 2 kids by the time I was 12, 3 by 17 and 4 by 25. I wasn't ready to be an secondary mother but took on the role because I grew up without an mother or father. I grew up without the real idea of what an family was. Yes, I was adopted and grew up in a military family but when you are told that you are an burden you try your hardest to please others and find love anywhere. I'm realizing that I have a long way to go.

I'm having to find myself at a time in my life where I see change all around me but I don't see those changes in myself. I need to change a little in order to receive my greatest journey of all. Going to Spain or France will be great for me because it gives me a chance to grow up. So far nothing is working out but I have to believe that it will work out in the end. My heart has been broken so long that I don't know what it is like to really have peace and happiness again. Forgiveness is in order. I'm really happy that I have a place to write my thoughts and be free for once. I may not know what will happen in my life but it's time to be and let be. I have some pen pals to write to tonight and mail them tomorrow. I'm ready for change and peace. So lets start believeing, never giving up, want more for yourself and dream big. Loving this moment, Miss NY Girl

My favorite Music that I have been loving growing up and today

Well, I hope you are having an wonderful day. I wanted to post a thing about music since I love music. I'm on my bed listening to music at the moment. This is an collection of music that I have always rotating these days of both old and new songs. However I will some of the people and songs that I am loving these days.

Ariana Grande: "Almost is never enough", "Baby I"

Justin Timberlake: "Mirrors", "Suit and Tie"

Bruno Mars: "Treasure", "If I was your Man"

BO.B "So Good", ( In love with the song), Beautiful girls

Rihanna: "Diamonds", (There are so many songs of hers I love)

Drake: "Hold on, We are going home" (Let's just say I 'm fan...hahaha)

Katy Perry  "Roar" (Always loved her music. I hope to go to one of her concerts)

Danity Kane: "Damage", " Stay with me" (There are so many more songs that I loved)

Britney Spears: "Toxic", "Baby One More Time" (Back to my middle school days and beyond)

Christina A. "Beautiful" (My favorite song from her)

What life means to me and updates

Hello again. I can't believe that I have been able to write this twice in one week...yay! Is thinking about the future today on this beautiful Friday morning. I prepare to spend time with my beautiful girls this evening since my baby is at school. No, I don't have children but only the children I raised since I was 17 years old. I became responsible for a little girl and she kept calling me mommy ever since. Tomorrow is the Children's Festival and this is my only weekend off so I need to spend it with the girls who love me no matter what.

So far things have been really tiring since I have been getting tired of the job that I have now. I am still trying to deal with the disappointment with the family in France. After having this constant debate on when or if I want to try this again. I gave in with my heart for once and told myself YES! Yes for love, happiness, peace, and truth. This journey of becoming an Au pair is really hard because I don't know if everything will work out or not. I really want to do this because I am ready to do more than ever. I'm ready to move on. I think not only am I going to continue with this but succeed in this. I'm doing both Au pair World agency/website but also find a real agency. I don't understand why do you have agencies if you still have to pay for the flight for yourself. Yes, they help with the governmental things like Visas but still come on people. Right now with me not having 530 + 75 for all the fees I think it might ending up being sometime next year. I will be 28 next year and I'm hoping to be with a family by then.

I'm so ready to move on with my life. I want adventure and being able to travel. Yes, I have an bucket list for Europe. I want to go to the following places/countries...
Germany
France
Spain
Norway
Italy (Hello I was raised there)
Sweden
Austria (Marie Antoinette was born there)
I might even go to the smallest countries in Europe as well

So in the end I want to say life is all about growing, enjoying and exploring life. Everyone's life is different. Everyone goes through different things. Everyone has different dreams. My dreams will be different than yours and I am thankful that this journey that I have to take alone is mine because I don't want anyone trying to be, act or sound like me. I'm one of a kind and want to be treated as if I'm one of an kind. Peace, love and happiness.  N.Y. Girl

The Struggles of becoming an Au Pair

At times I sit on my bed and wonder if I am ever going to make it to become an Au pair. Life sometimes has it's funny way of showing you about yourself. I have given up on a lot of things in the past. I even gave up on finishing college. Anything worth anything will be hard and difficult. However the process of the second go around has been quite interesting to say the least. Other than that I have been really struggling with work these days. I'm really sad because I have not been really happy in a long time. I'm just ready for change. I don't know what's going on or know what to do at this point. Oh well. See ya later..