Hello World!!!
I'm sitting here listening to Ariana Grande's album "Yours Truly". My favorite songs from her is "Baby I" and "Almost Is Never Enough". I love her voice as well. I spend Thanksgiving Day alone and I'm ok with that. I wasn't feeling too great anyway. This afternoon I will go out and get some toilet paper and some Christmas things for Sunday. I will also go to the mall to get into the Christmas Sprit. After church I'll be decorating the house for my roommate like I did last year as an surprise. It's not easy to deal with crazy me. I'm a loner by nature but I'm willing to do new things. I got my makeup done yesterday and I look like a doll. I have eye lashes on as well. I hope I can keep up with them. I plan on getting some make up for tomorrow so I can look so pretty. I need to feel a little better since I have been feeling crappy for the last few weeks. I'm not enjoying my job anymore. I love children but with my disabilities I'm afraid being an teacher may be out of my reach now. Sometime I have to remember how far have I come these past few years. I can have control over my class. It took time but I did it before. I just don't deal with busy kids very well. I understand that these kids are humans like us and have intense feelings but I work better with easy going kids I guess. I think I'm getting tired of being here as well. So as this semester ends I need to leave my job and go back to being an Nanny temporary. I need plans just in case this Spain thing doesn't work out. I became devastated when I couldn't go to France. I need to find a place where I can go without being judge or feeling afraid.
Things and people can change. I did. I did change into knowing myself a little more. I understand that I need to follow my heart. I tried to do that before but my fear always completely stop me. Better yet I allowed my heart to stop beating as myself. I'm listening to Tori Kelly's "Dear No One" again. I'm going to break You tube one day....hahahahah. I'm worth it today. I'm worth being happy. I don't service to anyone being exhausted or unhappy. My heart is not here. I can't pretend anymore. I can't just deal with it anymore. I did that before because I refused to listen to my heart. I'm not over the pain of losing my family due to the choices that I made of listening to fear instead of common sense. I made graved mistakes that cost me everything. I'm thankful for everything for what I do have which is my faith in God, my family (both first and second families), my job and the people who are in it, love, peace and understanding, lessons learned in the past and yet the present, church, and finally the future. Thank you for everything God! Giving thanks for everything should not be a one time thing but it's an everyday thing. I'm blessed period despite all of my mistakes. I do have some people who stood by my side when my world fell down so I'm thankful for them as well. Wish me well because I want the same for you. I want everybody to be happy and sound with their life and live your dreams. I'm trying to live in mine so live in yours! Part two coming :)
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