Who are you today?

I know I don't normally post day to day like this but with all the emotions and feelings that I'm having I need to pour it out. I'm at peace now knowing that soon this semester is almost over. However, I'm having to make an decision to either leave my job now or at the end of December. I have spend this entire time trying to just make it until December. I have for a long time wanting to leave my job because I don't have the heart for this anymore. I was told that I will never be able to become an teacher which broke my heart. It tore it to pieces. I love teaching my kids. It's challenging because of the behaviors of the children but it's worth it in the end. I'm not loving my schedule right now. I hate working nights with so many children. I didn't mind it doing the day when I have some more energy but right now it's has run out by 7pm. By 9pm I run away from my job and walk the dangerous streets and underpasses to my bus now. My best friend worries as normal because of the idea of me getting hit by a car. It's higher for me because of me not being able to hear them coming. However, I still adore and love working with children. There are some children who run in and give me the biggest hugs ever. It's worth it when I can get a hug at the end of the day. Right now, I'm torn because the holidays are coming up and I want to say goodbye but I need to work a second job to afford the 2,000 flight from here to Spain. It will take three airplane flights and anywhere between 18 to 24 hours of travel. I'm nervous this whole idea of flying my first flight all by myself over the Atlantic Ocean towards my new home. I have to in order to get to Spain. If anybody have any tips for me please help! I'll be talking to my host family soon before they have an holiday outside of the country of Spain. Final thoughts: Take each day as if it is your last and never take anything for granted....period. Spain 2014!